cler·i·hew n
A humorous verse consisting of two rhymed couplets in lines of irregular length, usually about a person whose name serves as one of the rhymes. [After Edmund Clerihew Bentley (1875-1956), British writer.] – The Free Dictionary
(Available at https://www.thefreedictionary.com/clerihew)
These rhymes are intended to be a friendly guide to commonly employed legal terms, arranged alphabetically (with X and Z exempted).
A
Abuse of Process
Is meant for the Press
And anyone who fights
For Human Rights.
B
Breach of Contract
Is an unlawful act.
But to read the fine print
You have to squint.
C
Consumer action
Is the result of faction
With crooks who play hard
With your warranty card.
D
Defamation is slander
Spoken to pander
To prime-time slaves
Of television knaves.
E
‘Executor’: the sordid name
Of the person you blame
If you fetch up nil
On the testator’s will.
F
‘Final Judgement’ slams the door
On hearing the case any more.
Like it or lump it:
It’s writ when it’s writ.
G
Grievous Bodily Harm
Can be inflicted without qualm
By keepers of the peace.
May their lathis increase!
H
Habeas Corpus
Is meant to help us
If we’re sent to jail
For reasons that fail.
I
‘Inter se’ is one of those phrases
That frequently appear in legal cases.
It’s Latin, I think,
And will make you blink.
J
‘Justice’, per Joseph Heller
(I mean the Catch-22 feller),
‘Is a knee in the gut.’
Tut, tut.
K
‘Know-How’ is a blight
Disguised as a right
To steal you blind
With patents that bind.
L
Labour Laws
Are full of flaws.
Hence the boss’s rage
Over the Minimum Wage.
M
Matricide
Is the use of cyanide
To transform your Mummy
Into a regular mummy.
N
‘Nolle Prosequi’ is the Latin way
For judges to pronounce, or say:
‘It’s taking up space,
So I’m dismissing your case.’
O
Official Secrets Acts
Are for punishing bureaucrats
Who fail to suppress
Their bosses’ mess.
P
Public Interest Litigation
Is like forest vegetation.
Nip it in the bud
Before it overwhelms Me Lud.
Q
‘Quid Pro Quo’
Is what a so-and-so
Is paid as bribes.
It gives him good vibes.
R
‘Recusal’ is an excuse
(And often a ruse)
For a judge to bunk
For reasons of funk.
S
‘Sine Die’ is ‘later’,
But without any data
On precisely when.
It could be tomorrow, or two years, or ten.
T
Tortfeasors are guys
Who are rather like lice:
They cause harm
And lack charm.
U
‘Ultra Vires’ is Latin
For someone who’s actin’
Beyond their power.
It’s unlawful behaviour.
V
Vexatious Litigants
Are no mitigants
Of a judge’s fury.
(Nor that of the jury.)
W
Writs of Mandamus
Can well land on us
If we play hooky
With the rule booky.
Y
Young Offenders are punks
And under-aged skunks
Who get the judge’s goat
Before they can vote.
