• One Night in Delhi

    Salil Chaturvedi

    November 22, 2019

    Image Courtesy: Phys.org


    I'll begin? No, don't wear your clothes yet. 

    It's time to do a complete pollution check. 

    Let's see, your eyes are clear, there's no fugitive dust, 

    no fly ash on your hair and your biochemical oxygen demand is good. 

    Your cheeks show signs of chronic exposure 

    and your breath's coefficient of haze is unhealthy. Your breasts 

    demonstrate exceedance at the tips, and your 

    forearm has incremental reactivity, 

    while your upper lip is showing evaporative emissions.

    Your neck has traces of non-road acid depositions 

    and your shoulders are keeping below normal 

    reference exposure concentrations. Your armpits, too, show 

    low achievable emission rates (LAER) while your navel demonstrates 

    maximum incremental reactivity. Your vulva has 

    no-observed-adverse-effect-level (NOAEL) yet. I guess it's the 

    ozone precursors or the dissolved oxygen (DO) levels that are keeping the 

    particulate matter in abatement. Maybe you can remove the 

    suggested control measure (SCM) and opt for the 

    toxic best available control technology (T-BACT) to counter the

    volatile organic compounds. 

    Your buttocks, I must say, are healthy emission offsets. That's the weight of

    evidence so far. Generally, you're good, 

    but by dint of being human 

    you're causing severe global warming. 

    Ouch! Let go my Add-on Control Device!


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