I'll begin? No, don't wear your clothes yet.
It's time to do a complete pollution check.
Let's see, your eyes are clear, there's no fugitive dust,
no fly ash on your hair and your biochemical oxygen demand is good.
Your cheeks show signs of chronic exposure
and your breath's coefficient of haze is unhealthy. Your breasts
demonstrate exceedance at the tips, and your
forearm has incremental reactivity,
while your upper lip is showing evaporative emissions.
Your neck has traces of non-road acid depositions
and your shoulders are keeping below normal
reference exposure concentrations. Your armpits, too, show
low achievable emission rates (LAER) while your navel demonstrates
maximum incremental reactivity. Your vulva has
no-observed-adverse-effect-
ozone precursors or the dissolved oxygen (DO) levels that are keeping the
particulate matter in abatement. Maybe you can remove the
suggested control measure (SCM) and opt for the
toxic best available control technology (T-BACT) to counter the
volatile organic compounds.
Your buttocks, I must say, are healthy emission offsets. That's the weight of
evidence so far. Generally, you're good,
but by dint of being human
you're causing severe global warming.
Ouch! Let go my Add-on Control Device!
