“Fifty-five Pillars gives us— readers more than fifty years later—a window into a particular moment in women’s history, when women with apparent freedom and advanced education struggled for independence and autonomy.”
-Daisy Rockwell, From the Translator’s Note
First published in 1961, Usha Priyamvada’s debut novel Pachpan Khambe, Laal Deewaarein is located within the boundaries of an all-women’s college in Delhi. Translated into English by Daisy Rockwell, the book skilfully explores the physical, mental and social paradigms which locked so many women into narrow ideals, as they still do.
The following is an excerpt from Fifty-five Pillars, Red Walls.

Neel was silent. He was trying to understand Sushma’s strange mental state. He realized that Sushma wanted to say something and that the words were at the tip of her tongue, but would not come. The trees rustled with a sudden breeze and the
neem boughs curved down. ‘Neel…’ said Sushma suddenly.
Neel turned his head and gazed at Sushma, sitting so close to him.
‘Neel, don’t come to see me anymore,’ she blurted out when she’d finally screwed up the courage.
He was startled. He hadn’t expected this at all. He watched for a bit to see if this was really what Sushma was saying. He couldn’t see her face clearly in the darkness but he was moved by the emotion in her voice.
Sushma suddenly felt the burden of her sadness. It was so immense, so unbearable. An irrepressible desire welled up in her to tell Neel everything. What a dark lonely place Neel had brought her to. She was grateful for the darkness. That way, Neel couldn’t see that her face was wet with tears. Her body shook with mute sobbing. Sushma felt transported by waves of grief, as though a huge whirlwind was caught in her throat, stifling her.
‘Sushma! What’s happened to you! What’s wrong? Tell me, am I a stranger? Someone with no ties to you?’ Neel asked. ‘You don’t tell me anything, and you’re melting inside.’
She felt great support from Neel’s arm wrapped around her. How strong it was, that arm! The emotion in Neel’s voice felt like an umbrella of protection, spread out above her. Sushma pulled herself together, wiped her eyes with the end of her sari and asked in a quavering voice, ‘Did you ever wonder, Neel, how it was that I came untouched and unblemished into your arms at the age of thirty-three?’
The neem trees rustled. Sushma’s tone slowly hardened.
‘There are many sides of my life that I’ve told you nothing about. I haven’t wanted to tell you, because I didn’t want those dark clouds to enter your life as well. But Neel, the past eleven years have been a continuous struggle for me.’ Sushma sighed, then spoke again, staring into the void, ‘I won’t tell you at length, but I wanted to let you know that this job is very precious to me. I might have been poor, but I’ve always been proud. I’ve occasionally come across opportunities in life that could have enabled me to get wealth and comfort in exchange for my body. But I didn’t accept them. I worked at a private college after finishing my MA. The Secretary there was one of the old aristocrats. He tried to tempt me with all manner of things, but I left that job.
‘When I told my mother I’d resigned, she asked, “But what will happen to these children?” Father had been sick the whole year, and was on unpaid sick leave. I desperately needed that job. But I couldn’t bring myself to pay that price.
‘Ma didn’t offer me any support. She didn’t encourage me. Every time she went out to sell a piece of jewellery, she looked at me as though I was the one responsible for all our suffering. In those days, she was also trying to marry me to a wealthy lawyer, but by then I had turned to stone. You must wonder what sort of a mother I have sometimes, but life has wrung her dry. Even though she’s my father’s second wife, none of her dreams have been realized. She takes out all her irritation and annoyance on the family. Her husband is weak, her daughter headstrong…
‘I’ve been at this college for nine years, Neel, but people here will let no one live in peace. That’s why I’m telling you that my life has already ended. I’m simply a means to an end. It’s impossible for me to marry and leave my family with no support. I’ve prepared myself for such a life. If you go away I’ll imprison myself in those same ramparts again.’
Sushma pulled her shawl tight. The chill of the wall she leaned against pierced her to her bones. She felt some warmth from Neel’s arm, and that warmth felt symbolic to her. The only consolation she had in this cruel, harsh world full of darkness was from Neel. Neel’s touch was full of warmth and friendship. He lit a match and held it up to look at her.
Sushma’s eyes were full of emotion. Her hair hung loose about her face, etched with torment and melancholy. Neel dropped the match on the stoop where the flame flickered once and then went out. Sushma felt lighter after weeping so much.
Neel couldn’t tell what emotions flitted across Sushma’s face in the darkness.
‘Light another match, Neel!’ Sushma said in a meaningful tone after a long interval.
‘Why?’
‘I want to fix my hair.’
Sushma opened her powder case and balanced it on her knees. She dug into her purse and began searching for a comb. Neel lit another match for her, and Sushma began fixing her hair in the light of its trembling flame. He kept lighting matches one after another.